Here’s an ancient secret I’m about to let you in on.  It can help explain the unexplained, and if used properly will bring you all the success you are looking for.

What goes around comes around.

That’s right. Karma!  Such a simple concept however some idiots still don’t appreciate or understand that Karma does, infact, exist.  Especially when it comes to money.

There are so many of you little pecker-heads who want to get paid to be lazy. Who steal from the hand that feeds you.  You really think you’ve got one up on the world by stealing $50 bucks from Jamrock?  Whether its time or office supplies, stealing is stealing. And Karma is a bitch.

So before you go away to your dilapidated excuse for a holiday celebration and you max out your credit cards buying jewelry for your new medium-fat girlfriend.  Just remember, the only way to make money is to give some away.  And if you’ve stolen from anyone in the past you’re in a karma hole.

Maybe it’s a good idea to payback some of your spent Karma this year.  Set the scale even and start making something out of yourself, for fuck’s sake.

In the news today: Some quack says we should pull the plug on the Pandas and all of you sissies are up in arms about it.

First of all, this is obviously some idiot trying to get press. I have several friends in the scientific and medical communities. Any time there is some new cure for this or some amazing breakthrough, reported all over the news I ask them about it.

Guess what they say?

The answer is always the same. It’s all about half true. And, almost always, involves someone trying to get recognition or funding for more research.

They create exaggerated brazen stories and the press eats it up. And we all know who eats up the press: you idiots.

So, the story is the same with this douche-bag and the pandas.

Here’s the reality of the animal extinction issue:

We already have the technology to clone things. So who cares?  In a few more years we can make all the pandas, and gorillas, and dodo birds that we want.  So quit bitching,

It sounds like extinction is going extinct, if you ask me. Why worry? Focus on something positive — like money or autumn.

I love the fall. I can finally drive the 911 again.

(For those less fortunate who don’t understand, the pre-1996 Porsche 911 is air cooled. Thus the AC really sucks and driving the bitch in the summer can make her temperamental.)

Life is good and I keep getting wealthier. It’s as if I can’t lose. It’s as if I designed it that way.

Oh wait, I did.

How is life in Loserville? Please leave your comments below.

Elitist became a bad word all of a sudden?  When did this happen?  Since when is it wrong to recognize fact?

Facts:

• I am smarter than 99% of you.
• I am more organized and disciplined that 99% of you
• I am better looking than 99% of you
• I am a better public speaker than 99% of you
• I am a better leader.

Now, does recognizing these facts and rising to my God-given role of Supreme Master of Most make me me an elitist?

And why is this a bad thing?

What else am I supposed to do? Ignore God? Am I supposed to sit on my fat ass like you:  surfing the internet web, reading ridiculous blogs and stuffing my saliva pit with mono-sodium glutamate infused snacks manufactured especially for fat poor people?

Should I play the lottery, you fool?

Keep sitting there, Dumpy.  In the time it took you to read this I accomplished more than you ever will (in your whole life).

But, that’s why I get paid the big bucks.

- PJ

Sometimes I like to think that when people become uber succesful, at whatever it is that they do, sometimes I like to think this is indcation that they are exceptional people.

ergo, not idiots

Think it takes brains to be successful? Think again.

After watching Kanye West act like an ass clown in front of a huge television audience, I have to admit I felt a little better about myself (only because I love to watch big guys fall down).

Life is just like high school: nothing is the way it seems and idiots are everywhere.