Dearest Alicia -

You do it for me. I listen to your music on repeat constantly.   You  inspire me.  I only need the sound of your voice and your melodies (and my money, of course) and I’d be a happy man.

When I listen to “No One”, I almost feel as if you’re all I need. As if I could survive with nothing but your songs.

As long as I have your music (and my money) there is nothing I can’t accomplish.

I am a strong man, but you destroy all of my defenses.

I will give you everything I have to give (well, at least half).  Will you take my hand in marriage?

This is an open proposal, take your time, accept when you are ready.  I will wait for you.

yours,

PJ

In the news today: Some quack says we should pull the plug on the Pandas and all of you sissies are up in arms about it.

First of all, this is obviously some idiot trying to get press. I have several friends in the scientific and medical communities. Any time there is some new cure for this or some amazing breakthrough, reported all over the news I ask them about it.

Guess what they say?

The answer is always the same. It’s all about half true. And, almost always, involves someone trying to get recognition or funding for more research.

They create exaggerated brazen stories and the press eats it up. And we all know who eats up the press: you idiots.

So, the story is the same with this douche-bag and the pandas.

Here’s the reality of the animal extinction issue:

We already have the technology to clone things. So who cares?  In a few more years we can make all the pandas, and gorillas, and dodo birds that we want.  So quit bitching,

It sounds like extinction is going extinct, if you ask me. Why worry? Focus on something positive — like money or autumn.

I love the fall. I can finally drive the 911 again.

(For those less fortunate who don’t understand, the pre-1996 Porsche 911 is air cooled. Thus the AC really sucks and driving the bitch in the summer can make her temperamental.)

Life is good and I keep getting wealthier. It’s as if I can’t lose. It’s as if I designed it that way.

Oh wait, I did.

How is life in Loserville? Please leave your comments below.